Earliest Memories

My earliest memory as a child was one of loss. I lost my little brother to congenital heart failure when I was newly 3 years old. I remember him. I remember specific snippets of our time together, such as singing with him in the bathtub and crawling under a fort that we built with a big yellow blanket. I was told that when he passed I walked right up to the casket and kissed him on the forehead. I have no memory of that or much else about that time other than a special doll that was given to me upon sitting on my grandmother's couch across from large wood tiling on the wall. I remember taking the doll and looking at the shag carpet. My little brain didn't understand because at the time I felt him so deeply with me, the idea that he was gone never felt right. Somehow I knew he would always be with me and blocked out all of the grief going on around me. That memory and that experience has shaped my journey in so many ways. I genuinely believe this was the start to life long connection to the other side that I am still learning about as I grow. There is much more to be said about this and will dive deeper into how this has impacted my life in future posts.